"Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning."

To those who know us, Joy did "come in the morning." Our youngest daughter Joy Dawnelle, was born at 7:03 a.m., two years after the death of our son, Micaiah. Our joy in the morning.

"For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." 

                                                             Ps. 30:5

 Last night David learned his father will be having surgery to remove a kidney with a mass on it that is larger than his kidney. We are praying for a miracle.

Today I received the news that my daughters pastor and wife, who are also her friends, gave birth to their baby boy. We had been praying for this baby who it was discovered had a rare illness, and without a miracle would die prior to birth, or directly after his birth. The parents were hoping for a miracle, as were those who stood alongside them. Though I only met them once, we know the pain of losing a beloved baby son and had prayed for the mercy of God upon this couple who have already suffered so much. The last I heard, they were lovingly holding their baby, praying for a quick passing into eternity. I can only believe that their last prayer was answered, and baby Emmett has left the arms of his parents to be held closely in the arms of Jesus. I know my daughter will mourn the loss with her friends - they all will.

A short time later my other daughter called to tell me her very good friend had gone into premature labor - at just 28 weeks. My daughter is also pregnant, and this pregnancy has been difficult -  not without it's own trials - and she and her friend had walked this pregnancy road together. They are all hurting. They are praying for a miracle.

I wept for them all - I pray for them all - to press in for a positive outcome for one family, while I pray for the fear, loneliness, pain, grief - and hope - of them all. 

My tooth broke an hour ago and I found myself almost panicking. I have needed this tooth fixed - it's bad - it needs to be a root canal - or pulled.

A tooth - big deal...

The night that our son died, almost 20 years ago, I had an abscessed tooth begin.  As David spent the night weeping, finally falling into a fitful sleep of mental exhaustion, I spent the night moaning in agony, wondering why my God would allow suffering, upon suffering. I was too weak and in pain from the birth to pace the floors, to get the rag heated up to ease the pain (and my beloved was free from emotional pain, in sleep for a while)- all I could do was sit, cry, moan, and feel my heart slowly ripped from my soul. It took 3 days for the pain to subside - just in time for us to bury our baby. The tooth was pulled - ripped from my life - like Micaiah. Symbolic.

When my decayed tooth broke a few hours ago, it triggered all the pain from the past. The panic flooded with the memories - will the pain be great? There is suffering all around me, will I be able to bear it? 

We live in a fallen, broken, decayed world that is full of agony, pain and suffering. Why tonight Lord, why does my tooth break tonight?

"At what time I am afraid, I will trust in You Lord" My cry to God the night my son died - the day I labored to bring him forth.

All around us - people trust God and live - and trust God - and die.  The important thing is - they TRUST God.

Jesus came to give us hope and a future, and he felt the pain of the broken, decaying mess we live in and conquered it.  As I remembered the pain from the past and embraced it - the peace of God flooded in. We only conquer pain and suffering when we choose to embrace it - to learn from it - to feel what Jesus felt as He took up His cross.  No matter what we go through - HE IS - Jesus is always with us. He is beside all of these young ones and their infants in the valley or despair, or the valley of death and the hills of hope. He is with those in the earthquake, the poverty, the floods, and the volcano's.  He gives us hinds feet to walk upon the high places.

So join with me in prayer for those who are suffering loss tonight, and those who are praying for miracles. Please pray, and weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice. 

Weeping may endure for the night, but Jesus is our joy in the morning.

Haiti, Hospitals, Home, and Hearts

What can be so important as to keep one from writing in a blog? 
September 4th as my last post. Hmm. Busy beyond belief.

Haiti 
Preparations are well underway. We were just told we could "find at least 300 pastors" wanting our training. They are a mixture of Salvation Army, AG, and Non-Denominational, which really blesses us. The working of Christians together for a common goal - to preach Jesus - crucified, risen and redeeming us.

Due to the fact we are traveling at a time of the year that has an 'embargo' to the Caribbean, we can only transport 100 lbs. per person, and there are 4 of us traveling at the most = 400 lbs...

What does that you matter you ask? Well, training manuals, bible story, books, pens, pads, print outs and various other materials are about 500 to 600 lbs worth. "Ship it!" she said. (Yes, someone did.) Well, as we are yet ot raise funds other than our own, $1,000 in shipping fees is a bit high. Besides, I can think of 1,000 other ways to spend $1,000 dollars for Haitians that would be much more fun. Logistics, and finances are all in God's hands, but spending $1,000 on shipping is not in mine.

Our translator is working on the visa he will  need to take a flight that connects in the US - after September 11th, just traveling through a U.S. airport requires a "C1" visa.


Hospital.

To work interfaith is challenging - to be a presence and ministry amongst some who see Christianity's "exclusiveness" as a snobby, self righteous, hateful religion - it takes grace to minister effectively. It takes grace to be a witness of love that points out, in their "inclusiveness", they "exclude" fundamental, evangelical, born again, (however you like to state it) Christians. However, we live in the age of grace, and God in His infinate wisdom knew that the time would come when much of the church would be more wrapped up in thier programs, and processes, than in social justice that shouts the name of Jesus in actions, and not just words. Very much resembles the church of Jesus day, doesn't it? He was busy doing good works of social justice and he was persecuted for "working" in the Sabbath or hanging out with sinners. Who are you "hanging" with?

"But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves" James 1:22

I spent the week among the dying and the broken, the scared and the lonely, the lost and the found. It is always sad - it is always humbling. It always makes me love Jesus more, and I it rare that I do not weep on the way home from the hospital for a groaning creation.

Home

It is difficult to hold to wear the many hats that I am wearing right now, and once I get through the next 2 weeks, my second degree is on hold. The plans of God are not always our plans and he is causing things to happen in spite of us. Dave and the children come first, so college goes for now. The work of the Lord outside the home comes next, since home is still my #1 call and priority. He will work all things for His purposes.

Hearts

I am purposefully, intentionally, falling more in love with the Lord of the work - being very careful not to get more caught up in the work of the Lord. He has a plan for all of our lives, but it begins with us. The things I do in Haiti, Hospital, or Home, for Jesus, are more about my being conformed to His image, made like Him, sanctification - than it is to "conforming" others to the Christian faith. If I follow Him closely, He will do the work in the lives of those around me, in spite of me. He is the Lord of Haiti, the Lord of the Hospital, and the Lord of my HEART.

"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"

We serve an awesome God. 

Raising Funds for Haiti - Being Foolish Enough to Believe I Can Make a Difference

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships - so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people - so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war - so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world - so that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen.
(Franciscan Benediction)

While reading I came across this Franciscan Benediction and I was completely, utterly, owned by it.(To quote today's younger generation) It is the attitude that God has been using to compel me into action for many years - and lately through nights of weeping and wrestling with Him. 


I can't say I have seen a more accurate description of how I feel as God breaks my heart for others.


I  (Dave and I) am known for transparency, much to the chagrin of my family at times, so I have never been inclined to desire superficial relationships. As a matter of fact, though people perceive me as outgoing and confident, I lack confidence with people I do not know, and long for deep, one one one, REAL relationships. Without that, I feel awkward - like a ship out of water. I think that is why I am suited for grief and trauma work - I want to know and feel the persons pain -  not just hear it. 

I have tried to, "live deep within my heart" and my family will tell you that I have wept many tears, and sworn off transparency (literally on the swearing part), only to be encouraged by them, and by God, to be real at all costs. Now, after years of brokenness, I am rarely hurt by others as a result of my transparency, but have helped many others to have the freedom to be who there are in my presence, and sometimes among the very ones who previously threatened them. 


Do Justly, Love Mercy- Micah 6:8 - has been our ministry quote for 10 years now (even before we were official) When I learned of the plight of orphans and widows worldwide, and saw the repeated biblical theme of caring for the poor, the orphan and the widow - of social justice and freedom from oppression, a fire was lit within me and an, "anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people - so that [we worked]  for justice, freedom, and peace."

The result was Samuel,  pictured her in the orphanage before we brought him home; as well as aid to hundreds of orphans and widows in several countries.


Tears - well, all I do is cry. I was SELFISH and generally only cried over MY OWN pain, (and we did have plenty) so God had to keep breaking me- again - and again - and again- and again. He used our pain in my thick head, to give me "tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war - so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy." 

 And, the end  result of that brokenness, is our ministry in grief and trauma work. My cry before God, always before Him, is that in my work, I will be a comfort to them and through the love of Jesus Christ, their pain can turn to joy. 

I do not yet have a PhD, or years of experience in the field, any money for missions work, or a base of supporters; nor do I  know if more than just a few people read these blogs or are moved by them....(so if you are, and you want to comment or become a follower it would bless me)

But I am just "foolish enough to believe that [I] can make a difference in the world and do what others claim cannot be done." That I can bring some healing and hope to Haiti first, and to all nations by bringing the ministry of Jesus Christ to others in times of great turmoil and distress. 

And Dave is foolish enough to believe with me, and has learned to shed enough tears for others as well. 


So, we step out in faith. Please friends, support us in this ministry. 100% of funds goes directly into meeting the emotional and spiritual needs of  the broken, hurting, people of God's heart. 

 In His Service,

David and Jamie

Dates Are Set - Haiti January 4th, 2011

The dates are set.

We will be traveling to Haiti on January 4, 2011 and staying for 12 days. We will be training pastors and other lay helpers in critical incident stress management techniques (CISM), to enable them to more effectively help the hurting and broken. Depending on how many they want us to train - still to be determined but there are 220 churches - we may bring another team with us.

We will also be ministering personally to those who are struggling in their faith over the destruction of their lives, to aid in their restoration to He who loves them. 

Pray for Haiti - pray for us.


We are in need of financial resources to take donations, printed materials, cost of travel for us, and many other things to minister effectively. Dave's vacation time will be unpaid as well, and our family and bills need to be cared for in our absence.

In His Service, 

 David and Jamie

The Dislocation of Our Soul

Jacob wrestled with the angel of the Lord and dislocated his hip; sometimes in wrestling with God, we dislocate our souls. 

We see through a glass dimly - a dirty, marred, and cracked, mirror reflects back at us, blurring and distorting our own images. Yet, through that reflection we try to see God - often judging Him for the things going on in our lives by that reflection. Sometimes we try to pray it away -  some even  try to claim it away. We command and rebuke, or we weep, wail, and beg, but the distorted image of God still remains.

We all have distorted images.

If you think you don't, then sadly my friend, yours is the most distorted of all.

Remember Job?

Read about Job in Chapter 29

      1      And Job again took up his discourse and said,
      2      “Oh that I were as in months gone by,
As in the days when God watched over me;
      3      When His lamp shone over my head,
And by His light I walked through darkness;
      4      As I was in the prime of my days,
When the friendship of God was over my tent;
      5      When the Almighty was yet with me,
And my children were around me;
      6      When my steps were bathed in butter,
And the rock poured out for me streams of oil!
      7      “When I went out to the gate of the city,
When I took my seat in the square,
      8      The young men saw me and hid themselves,
And the old men arose and stood.
      9      “The princes stopped talking
And put their hands on their mouths;
      10      The voice of the nobles was hushed,
And their tongue stuck to their palate.
      11      “For when the ear heard, it called me blessed,
And when the eye saw, it gave witness of me,                                               [emphasis mine]

Job had long been soul wrestling, and all he could see at this point, was his former blessings. God had watched over him - His lamp had shone over his head - He was a friend of God - the Almighty was with him. People admired him as someone who was protected and blessed by the Almighty. He was a man given great honor and respect.
He then expounds upon on his care for others, which now in his distress, he can no longer do.

Chapter 30 present Job in his humiliation, "But now those younger than I mock me, Whose fathers I disdained to put with the dogs of my flock." (v 1)...."and now my soul is poured out within me, days of affliction have seized me (v16)...I have become like dust and ashes(v19b)...

I cry out to you for help, but you do not answer me; I stand up, and you turn your attention against me. You have become cruel to me..." 

Job was still wrestling with God - and His soul was dislocated. He had seen through a dimly lit and cracked mirror, and his perspective of God was blurred by a mirror of blessings. His health, prosperity, even his family had been taken from him, so obviously God has removed himself as well. Many of us have been in places where God has felt cruel to us - where we questioned our years of faithfulness and integrity before God, only to be left feeling abandoned, or confused.

I have heard the emphasis of Job's story too many times -   the latter fortunes of Job were greater than the former - his wealth was restored double - and they were; but from Job's new, clearer perspective, he tells us what the end the experience of  his suffering produced. I am sure the double fold blessing of wealth, was filthy rags in comparison to the infinite, developing knowledge of God.  Chapter 42:

      1      Then Job answered the LORD and said,
      2      “I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
      3      ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
“Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”
      4      ‘Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.’
      5      “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
      6      Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes.”

The purposes of God could not be "thwarted." God wanted to draw Job into a deeper understanding and intimacy with Himself. What does Jesus want for us? A deeper intimacy with Himself and the Father.

Job says he, "declared that which he did not understand." All the prosperity in the world did not give him a clear vision of God, nor did perfect health; only suffering brought Job to the place where he could see God. His dirty, marred and cracked mirror could reflect a little more clearly the heart, and purposes of God.  He had wrestled with God, and had a dislocation of the soul.  His permanent limp would forever remind him, "I will ask you, and You instruct me."

Our Plans in God's Hands Haiti 2011

We spoke at our home church on Sunday, August 15th, and I was privileged to preach God's Word, and share our hearts to our church family. It is always a honor for me to teach God's Word, I love to teach. Luke 14 was the topic - what we must comparatively hate, for a full heart commitment to God's Word.

Our church family heard the cry of our hearts - God's heart - that we are in a world of pain. One that is in need of love - in action.

There was an enthusiastic response by many - our pastor blessed us with kind words we don't deserve - and we are pressing on to call He has burdened our hearts with.

The very next day I received an email from the Superintendent of the Assemblies of God in Haiti, interested in our program of training and equipping his pastors, and others, to minister in emotional and spiritual.

We have tentative plans for December. As of now we will be gone over Christmas - serving others in the name of the One who was born, to die.

We are in much need of funds for travel, training materials, and donations, and all of Dave's time off work is unpaid. God always makes a way.

In the Service of the King,
David and Jamie Grubb

Launching World Missions

Stay tuned for our August 15th announcement.